McMercenaries, part 1

293 days after Christine graduated college, the men arrived.

It was the graduating that caused all the problems. The first six months were fine. She had no idea what she was going to do now that she'd finished school. History's not much good if you don't want to teach, write, or go to grad school. Still, she had six months before her loans entered payment, so life was good. She thought about Alaska, or a VW bus, but rented a studio apartment in Beverly.

She had always hoped men would come for her, but not these men.

She got a job. It was just registers at the liquor store, but it was money, and she got an employee discount. That was something. At least it made her popular with the other aimless graduates.

She had the day off. Her plans included little more than 27 hours of glorious sleep. And maybe a six-pack.

For the first six months she thought nothing of her astounding debt. Parties, sleep, and work filled her thoughts. When her first payment came due in December, she had the choice of food or financial responsibility. Her stomach made that choice for her. In January she fared no better. February was too short for her meager earnings to amount to enough for a payment, and by then she'd decided that Sallie Mae could go fuck herself anyway.

There was a knock at the door. Christine fumbled for the alarm clock. Her confusion at the discovery that the clock was silent lasted until she heard a man's voice from outside calling "Miss Anckner, we need to speak with you about your college loans!"

"It's 9:18 on my day off. Shut up."

"Miss, it would really be better if you opened the door."

"Whatever happened to telemarketing? Who are you?"

The other man spoke up, "Miss, I'm afraid it's a bit more serious than solicitations. Please make it easy on yourself and open the door."

Christine's confusion hadn't been helped by this exchange. She pulled on the dirty clothes from her floor and went to get some coffee. As she poured, her door landed with a crash on her floor.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm calling the police."

"No. You won't be doing that," said the taller of the two men in dark suits who stepped through her now empty doorframe.

He reached out toward her, and she felt a sudden pain from his hand. When she regained control of her body, she was tied to a wooden chair facing her table. He was still holding the tazer.

The other man began speaking.

"Please don't struggle. We'll only have to taze you again, and Bill ties good knots anyway.

"We're here to help you." He pulled another chair to face her and sat in it. "My associate and I are with Globex Corporation. Our employer has recently acquired your outstanding student loans.” He paused to take a sip of his steaming latte. “You should have received notification of the transfer in the mail."

"I didn't see anything. Let me go. Please."

"I'm sorry. After your third missed payment, your loan went into collection. Pursuant to the Debt Reduction Act of 2006, our employer now owns you in lieu of your debts."

Christine stared blankly. Realization set in slowly. "You can't be serious. How is that legal? That's bullshit."

"It all makes perfect sense. You are the ultimate collateral on any debt. Since you have refused to pay, we now, thanks to the actions our government has taken to protect the interests of the economic health of our nation, have the right to... retain your services."

"Take you by force," the other cut in.

"And make you work off your debt however we see fit. Welcome to the Globex family."

"Globex can suck my balls."

"I'm sorry miss, there's really nothing you can do about this. It would be better if you paid attention."

"Work off my debts how? I'm tied to a fucking chair. I assume you aren't going to let me go to work tomorrow."

"That's correct. Globex has more profitable uses for you.”

"Well, then tell me what the hell you're doing with me."

"Later. It's less trouble for us if you just watch the training video when we get you back to the office. Just be patient."

They didn't even untie Christine. They picked up her chair, and placed it, and her, into the back of the waiting Suburban.

“Can you untie me please?”

“I’m sorry, no. We’ll untie you when we get back to the office. You have some appointments. A physical, psych, accounting, legal, that sort of thing. Don’t worry, it’s going to be a long day, but it’ll be over soon enough. Just sit back and relax, we’ve got a long drive.

“Hey Bill,” he said to the driver, “Hit Starbucks before the highway. My latte’s getting cold.”

As they pulled away from the curb Christine began to quietly cry.